This Ain’t A Buffet

skotan-No-signI received an email yesterday from a young woman who needed advice on her relationship. I decided to answer her through this blog post as a way to help someone going through a similar situation. As the writer of the email will remain anonymous .

The young lady of the email informed me that she has been dating this guy in college on and off. First they were friends, then friends with benefits.  Then they tried being in a relationship but it only lasted eight months.  Then they became friends with benefits again. Her last year in college she moved in with him only to find out that he would bring over different girls when she did not spend the night.  They broke up and she had forgiven him, so they got back together. Then he ended up doing the same thing again.  The cycle kept repeating. He has tried to apologize with flowers but she says it’s only to try and get back in bed with her in which she says she falls for. ( I’m going to get you).  He only talks to her when he wants sex. She then says the guy’s sister has told her that he has been living with an older woman, and the older woman has been taking care of him.  So while he’s with the writer of the email, he’s playing house with another woman! the writer then informs me this has been happening for seven years!!! To cope with her pain she has been having sex with her one co-worker and then her best friend who is married.

Self esteem plays a big part in this post. I personally would not forgive someone that easily and all they had to do was buy me some flowers. No. I need action without money being spent to show that. My love and forgiveness can’t be bought. He’s not sorry. The whole time you were dating him,he was cheating. If he doesn’t know after seven years that you’re the one, he may never know. He’s not with you because he doesn’t have to be. You make no demands. No demands on his time nor commitment. He’s giving you little because that’s all you ask for. You don’t care about yourself so why would he? He knows your self esteem is so low all he has to do is give you a sob story and buy you some 99 cent flowers and you’ll forgive him. It does not work like that.  Also, if the only thing a guy talks about with you is your body or sex then that’s all he wants. Don’t make excuses or ignore the signs. He ignored your idea of commitment. He cheats on you repeatedly. The only door he opens is the bedroom door. Realize that you’re brain, goals, and dreams are more important than what’s between your legs. You’re worth more than just sex. If a man has you, let him have all of you. He just doesn’t get to pick the part he wants of you. This ain’t a buffet. You’re not just going to take my cookie. You’re going to take my heart, feelings, etc. It’s either all of me or none of me. Don’t ever let a man treat you like an option. Set some standards in your life. Note: your standards will always be too high for a man that is not interested in you.  He’s getting everything he wants from you, but what are you getting from him??? Food for thought.

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