” I want a man who has his own place and doesn’t have any kids.”” If he can’t foot the bill for me at dinner then I don’t want him.” This just happened to be the response of my good friends Shane.
As we were sitting down at Red Lobster ( one of my FAVORITE restaurants), we were having this conversations. She was very frustrated because Travis, a guy she was dating but recently stopped dating as of yesterday was not trying to do better in life. I then asked her what did she want in someone. She could not give me an answer at first, but after twenty minutes replied that he had to have a job, his own place, no kids, a degree, etc. I just really stared at her with a “really” look on my face. ” Why are you looking at me like that” ? she asked.
There is nothing wrong with having standards. That’s what everyone should have. Not everyone has standards and they just go for anybody walking down the street. ” You have three kids, you don’t have a degree, and you’re living with your sister for now. ” I replied to Shane. You can’t demand that someone has all these qualities that you don’t have or you’re not trying to have. That’s almost like being a penny ( of course not calling her one) looking for a quarter. You have to hold the same type of worth as what you’re looking for.
There’s a reason why some successful women have a hard time dating. They refuse to date just anybody. They have standards and they themselves meet their own standards. You cannot complain about a man that does not have his own place when you don’t or at least trying to find one, etc. You are a reflection of who you are with or lay with at the end of the day. I also understand that you are a product of your environment. Break the cycle. Some people grew up fatherless watching their mom work really hard and different guys walking in and out of her life. Some people grew up where both parents worked so much they were hardly home, etc. If what you experienced growing up is negative and you are living from what you saw growing up, break the cycle.
Some women want a man that already has it all and they don’t have it together themselves. With or without a man, you should want better for yourself. Positivity attracts positivity. Be your own reflection. Also never be with someone that requires you have a-z but they don’t have it as well.
So Sometimes when you complain about the people you are dating, remember you allowed them to come into your life so what does that say about you? Sometimes you have to reflect on how you’re attracting these people into your life. You have to level up. What is level up? Leveling up is changing yourself eternally in a positive way to attract and obtain a positive lifestyle. Sometimes you may find you’re not expanding your horizons. Leveling up also may require you to become uncomfortable. Being uncomfortable is sometimes a good thing. There may be a man that has everything you’re looking for but he’s a different religion, race, etc. You cannot be content with where you once were otherwise you’re going to get the same results. This why so many women go or wonder why they can’t find a man. One of two reasons. Either you’ve leveled up and trying to find a worthy candidate or you’re just content on your negative ways and attracting negative candidates which is why you can’t keep or find a man. Sometimes you may have to start with what you don’t want in someone and then go from there.
Now before Shane got with Travis, she was with Tony, which is her child’s father. Tony had no job, wanted Shane to go to work and pay all the bills, take care of the kids, buy him cigarettes and beer with her money. When everyone in her life told her how he should be helping with something, she became defensive saying she was doing good in life and she didn’t need a man to work. She could do everything herself. That was fine until she became argumentative with him and she got tired eventually of doing everything herself. He eventually ended up leaving her. But look at who you chose. You knew Tony was no good from the beginning. Sometimes social media makes it a point for women to flaunt being independent and to take pride in your education, and to take pride in not needing a man. While it’s good to feel that way, in the same breath you’re choosing someone like Tony who wants you to be independent so you can pay all the bills and take care of the kids, etc. But then you complain about being tired. Have a support system that backs you. Not someone that doesn’t allow you to embrace your feminine side. It should be a partnership.
Learn to invest in yourself with or without a man. Be daring to opening your horizons when looking for someone else. You deserve more and you’re worth more. Take care of yourself mentally, physically, spiritually, etc. Expect more from yourself and from others you come into contact with. After this, do not settle for anything less. When you get or lay with someone, they will be worthy. They will not have zero to offer. Get someone that you can become a power couple with. Leveling up first happens with yourself. Not with someone else. Be your own change so that you may attract that.