Sell Yourself Or Lose All Power

blog_image_new_42.pngDo you ever wonder why some guys end up marrying or dating other women for the long haul but they could never be serious when it came to you? One of my very close friends Teya is going through this.

Teya is very smart and beautiful. She has guys lined up all the time wanting to be with her. She just gets very discouraged in the dating world because every guy she talks to only sees her as a fling or for the short term. There’s a reason for all this. I will explain this reason.

Dating someone is very much like selling a pitch to your potential mate. Whatever you advertise is what they take you for.

Teya was just at my house. We were having a conversation. Just catching up, you know girl talk. She tells me about a guy she’s been seeing for almost a month. This guy barely calls her. He texts her every few days. But he always wants her to come over to his house for a hookup.  Teya is not looking for a hookup. She actually likes this guy but he only sees her as a booty-call or jump off. So while we’re talking I ask her how did her and this guy met. She said they met at the gym.  To make the long story short about that part: Teya came to the gym in semi see-through tights with just a bra on.  She walked in and she immediately saw him looking at her but she played it off like she didn’t notice him looking.  She gets on the treadmill and then he gets on the treadmill next to her. When she was about to leave the gym, he stopped her and said ” I like a woman who takes care of her body.” Teya then replied ” Thanks, I got to stay sexy.” She then looked back at her ass and then the guy as she was walking off. The guy catches up to her and asks for her number in which she gave it to him. The “fling” went on from there.

Now, as I was telling Teya, the moment you replied to his statement that he likes a woman who takes care of her body, you already messed up. You didn’t mess up because you replied. You messed up because of what you replied with. When a man first approaches you with conversation, he’s paying close attention to the type of woman you are. If you come off easy, he’s already thinking about how long it will take to get you in bed. Of course this guy was not going to take her serious. She sold herself to him as someone who is just dripping with sex. First the outfit she went to the gym in was just screaming sex, then she gave the wrong sign by looking at her ass then back at him. This guy is not going to see her for the long-term or a keeper. A keeper would reply with ” Thanks, staying healthy and fit is important to me.” This make him realize he has to work harder to get to know you.

If you’re in the club dropping it low,  you’re always on the prowl for the next best man, you’re bitter or have no class,  etc. then he may not take you serious. The type of responses you give a guy when first meeting him will determine everything, more specifically how he sees you.  So if you complain about how he only sees you as a booty-call, it’s because you gave him that impression.

A guy is listening and observing your body language very closely when he first meets you to determine the seriousness of the relationship. If you come in with standards, he will either come correct or he’ll move to the side for another man who will respect you and give you what you want.

When my boyfriend first approached me he thought that I was mean or a rude person based off how I look. I’m actually quite the opposite. When we began dating i told him that I like phone calls, not just text messages. He was a big texter. He would call me late at night and it bothered me. I nipped that in the bud. I told him” I like texting. But I prefer phone calls sometimes if we’re going to be serious and not late at night. I’m not an afterthought or a booty-call, so don’t treat me as such. I won’t answer your phone calls if it gets late. ” He then knew that if he wanted me he had to come correct. I don’t play that. Teya needed to set standards from the beginning and be careful with the responses and vibe she gives off.  When you sell yourself cheaply (no standards) you lose all power to how he perceives you.

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