Always in my family I was considered the black sheep
. I was the very lightest out of everyone in my family, even extended. I also had different hair color from everyone else in my family. I have a blondish, goldish hair color. I did not like this at first growing up but became to love it later on. I love to be different. I don’t like to look like someone else or follow tends.
Elementary all the way through high school I was considered “ugly”. There would be guys that I would like or crush on hard that just didn’t find me good looking . obviously in elementary this bothered me. I wore glasses, I have a gap, and I just didn’t think that I looked good as well. The kids would be pick on my gap and hair color all the time. ( it’s elementary school! kids are ruthless y’all lol).
Middle school came around and it was the same thing. I was teased about my gap, and my glasses and being just unattractive in general. Sixth grade it really took a toll on me. I had the biggest crush on this guy named Devin. I use to sit beside him in class every day. We became really close friends. We were so close that people thought we were together. One day we were walking back from lunch and someone in line yelled “awwww look at Devin”. Devin quickly turned around and said back ” ewww. don’t try me”. I had to turn around and go to the bathroom to cry out my tears. Even though me and Devin were close friends, I liked him but didn’t expect him to say that because of our friendship. After that day he stopped hanging out with me as much. We would hang out here and there. But he really hurt my feelings. He acted from there on out like being seen with me couldn’t happen.
By the time seventh grade came. The teasing of my gap and glasses and everything else no longer phased me. I remember one day being in band class ( played the clarinet). I was talking to my friend Erica about how I like this guy in our class, James. She said James was her cousin. I got frightened and told her not to tell him that I liked him. I later ended up changing my mind and wanted her to hook us up. Me and Erica talked on the phone all the time after school. So when she finally told James about me liking him, she called me one day after school to say he liked me back. I was so happy. My first boyfriend. Me, James, and Erica got on three-way one day talking. James wasn’t talking as much. Me and Erica were mostly talking. I was like ” why is James not talking”? in my head.
After a few weeks went by he broke up with me in the hallway in front of everyone while we were going to our next class. I nodded my head okay. I was holding back my tears the rest of the day at school. When school was over, I came home. My mom, brother, and dad were home. My mom asks me about my day at school. I suddenly get upset at here and start lashing out.My dad makes a joke that I didn’t find funny that I normally do find funny, and my brother wanted to talk and I just started yelling out of nowhere. Taking my heartbreak out on everyone at home. My mom senses, ( well of course motherly instincts) that something is wrong with me. My dad and brother go outside. She calls me out my room and she asks me to sit down. She gives me a hug and within seconds I burst out crying. ( I can’t be touched when I’m about to cry, I will start balling my eyes out).My first heartbreak ever. To be teased about my looks, then to getting a boyfriend and having him break up with me in front of everyone was horrible. ( which by the way, he only went out with me because Erica bribed him).
Time heals all wounds right? Right. Eighth grade came along and I just focused on my work and having fun with friends. I was only in middle school. I have so much time. Of course I didn’t see it that way. From then on I kept my crush a secret and never said anything. All the guys that looked good would never talk to me. Me and Devin even fell off and he acted as if he didn’t know me anymore.
High School came and it was just about the same trend. Only I was more confident and the teasing stopped. Even if it didn’t, It wouldn’t have phased me. I was in high school and saw things much more differently. By then I became a social butterfly and talked to everyone. Even the guys that teased me back then. I just love socializing with everyone. Of course some guys would still have jokes here and there, but it never hurt me.
The summer before everyone went off to college this girl in our class through a going away party for our whole graduation class. I didn’t end up going because once I graduated I had no care to see those who teased me ever again. Well I started college that fall after graduating high school. The summer before college was the best. I got a brand new wardrobe. I started wearing heels. I started wearing extensions. I got into makeup and fashion. I was just a brand new person.
My first class as a freshman in college was English 101. Most of my senior class in high school was in that class. That morning I walked into class with my gold heels on. Black pants, with a black and gold buttoned down sequin top. I had my hair did and makeup on. Everyone had to take a double look. ( yeah it’s me). I sat like I didn’t notice them. They didn’t notice me before.
One day we had to do a group project. Guess who I was paired with??? Devin. So me and Devin get together after class to work on the project. The whole time we’re int he library, he’s apologizing for the comment he made back in middle school and about being distant after that. I brush it off like it’s nothing and start back talking about the project. He clearly wanted to talk about everything except the project but I had another class to get to, psychology. That’s where I met my ex boyfriend Adam. Read my storytime about hm here: https://selfishlysierra.com/2018/04/20/the-time-i-was-the-side-chick/
The more I kept walking around on campus from class to class, the more I would run into people from high school. I got treated differently from those same guys that use to tease me. They wanted my number, wanted to be friends, hang out,etc, all that. But nope. I was not having it. You didn’t want me before, you don’t want me now. Some of those same guys are still in my inbox still just to have conversation.
I tell this story to say this….Be cautious on how you treat people. The same ones you are picking on today, could be someone signing your paycheck tomorrow. It really feels good to be with someone who I don’t always have to put on makeup, or be insecure about my gap, or always dressing up. Because he loves me with or without makeup, he loves my gap, and he loves me for me. Just to be in public and see the look on some of my old classmate’s face when they see I’m with someone is priceless. I grew into my looks. The glow up was real and I have someone to keep this glow here.