A day later after blowing his phone up I get a text that read ” Out of respect for my girlfriend, please don’t text my phone anymore”. It suddenly felt like I had got hit by a bus….
I didn’t know how to feel when I read the message. I just sat there and cried my eyes out. Here I am falling in love with someone who ensured me that he wanted a family with me for the longest and it turned out to be a lie the whole time. ( I felt like my whole world was over). Both of my parents are still together and I always wanted the same thing for me so my heart was shattered when he told me that.
I suddenly stop crying and I try to convince him to come back to me ( Never will I ever beg for someone to come back to me). I start blowing up his phone with text messages and phone calls but never got a response. I texted messages like ” can we talk”? ” I’m sorry” ( I didn’t even know what I was sorry for, I just wanted him back), I texted anything to get a response out of this
One month Later
After about a month of blowing up his phone and not getting a response, I came to terms with us being over. I was trying to wrap around my head when did he have time to talk to someone else when I was always with him. I suddenly came to terms that I was going to be a single parent. I started going to my appointments by myself and everything. James sometimes would text me every blue moon to ask about the baby. This is when my sadness turned into anger. I never gave him an update on the baby because I felt like he did not care and I was only a convience to him.
He stopped texting me after I stopped giving him updates on the baby. Three weeks later after not talking to each other, he calls me. I don’t pick up. ( at this point I’m way over him and concentrating on myself and the baby). I wasn’t down to give my heart again to someone else only for them to break it. When James saw that I was not picking up, he sent a text that read ” Can you give me some money? I have nobody else to turn to, you all I got”. ( THE NERVE!!!!!) So I text back ” Go ask whoever you left me for to help you out”. He then tries to play this pitty game ( as if I cared). His whole family disowned him. His mom had kicked him out and his siblings was fed up with him as well. As for me, I just didn’t care. He was no longer worth my time anymore. His true colors had shown and I wasn’t about to get a brush and repaint an image of him that I wanted to see.
He had got fired from his job so he was down on hard times. So apparently whoever this female was that he was with was not helping him ( as I agree). James texts me one day saying ” I think we should just focus on our child, and we can figure us out along the way. I will still come back every now and again to flirt with you”. I then realized that I was being trapped. He was just using me financially and sexually. I cut all ties from him. If it had nothing to do with the baby, I didn’t talk to him.
James and the girl eventually end up breaking up ( he was staying with her after his mom kicked him out). James then calls me. I pick up thinking it was a question about the baby. He calls to tell me that his relationship ended. I’m like “okkkkayyy, why are you telling me this? because I really don’t care. He then asks if he could move in with me since we have a baby on the way. ( Bring this all the way back, He wanted to move in with ME after his relationship ended with this girl and thinks that I’m about to take care of him????) I hung up in his face and just texted him instead. His sweet talking was not working this time. I then tell him to leave me alone and that I would only talk to him if it was about the baby.
That next week i had to return back to work.(Me and my ex worked at the same workplace). I was not feeling good that night. I started getting cramps and feeling so bad. I go to the bathroom and I see blood. I page my manager and tell him I need to go to the hospital and that I think something is wrong. I started feeling weaker and weaker by the minute. The ambulance arrives and I get rushed to the hospital. When I woke up my ex boyfriend was standing outside my hospital room looking at me. ( all of these feelings started coming back). I felt so bad for the way I had treated him in the past. He walks in and we talk for awhile. I start apologizing for everything. He says that we could talk about that later so I dropped the subject. A couple minutes later the doctor walks in to tell me that I lost the baby due to stress.
In all honesty, I felt sad because there was a life growing inside me that never got a chance to see life and then I was just okay that it happened in an early stage rather than late.
I had to go out on another leave to recover. Within this time frame my ex made sure that I was okay and comforted me the entire time. I suddenly saw how much of a good man that I had but I was just too busy entertaining the past that I forgot all about my present and future.
When I was out of recovery and feeling well I went back to visit my family and spent time with them. When i pull in my parent’s driveway I see James standing outside talking to my brother. I get out my car and James approaches me. He touches my stomach and says hey to the baby. I then tell him that there’s no more baby. I tell him about the miscarriage. He suddenly has this look of sadness on his face and then offered to be there for me if I needed him. I then tell him that me and my ex got back together and that he should leave me alone. I was not going back down that road with him ever again. He then says “ Okay, but do you think I can borrow some money”? I just laugh hard out of anger. How can you stand in front of me after we just went through a miscarriage, seeing me hurt, and then ask for money???? How? I walk away from him and go inside the house to be with my family. I left him and my brother outside.
I”m so happy to say that me and my boyfriend are on such a better page and have been for quite some time. I really had to learn to love what I have before life teaches me to love what I lost. James still messages me through social media but I blocked his account. It gets tiring to block every account he makes so I just learned to not respond. This whole time I had to go through that experience to see that I was being used and taken for granted. He had an agenda that I could not see. I will never take care of any man and I will never ask a man to do the same for me. If he falls on hard times that is different.As mine is always backing me up when I need it. If for some reason it does not work out with me and my boyfriend, best believe he has set the standard and raised the bar for anyone else after him. Never be a dummy for someone.
Thank you all so much for your love and support. As always, I love each and every one of you from the bottom of my heart…..<3<3<3 STAY SELFISH